Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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