why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
