Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
