mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
