i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
