we're blogging at a bar
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
