So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
