a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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