I wish I could teleport
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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