so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
