I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
