she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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