Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
