So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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