Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
