hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
