Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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