it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
