I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
