Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
