i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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