he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
