I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
