omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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