do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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