don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
