Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
