I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
