I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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