its not stalking. its research.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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