i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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