I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
