She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
