i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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