okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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