we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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