I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
