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I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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