She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So squirting runs in the family.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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