The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
