he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
