She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He felt like a one man threesome
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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