Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just gargled with NyQuil
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
