haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think my fart just growled at me.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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