it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
