Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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