drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
