I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
