There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
