I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
