I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
