I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
