please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
