Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
