fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
